How to Communicate with Your Children without Argument

Children are affected by their parents’ arguments. This is an issue of concern, since you are a role model that your children are likely to follow if they marry.

Why not find a way to effectively communicate with your child without arguing every time?

Moreover, there are problems that cause disagreement between parents and children. Disagreements could cause argument between you and your child. What if the problem involves arguing with your children? How can you avoid arguing with your child?

Recently, I talked about how to communicate with your spouse without arguing. But today’s will be on how to effectively communicate with your child without arguing.


At the end of this article, you will learn how to avoid any form of argument with your child.

The following are what to do:

Listen Attentively to your child

The Bible tells us to be ‘swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath.’ (James 1:19).

There are some children that cannot express themselves well when speaking. When you pay attention to them very well, you will understand all what they are saying.

Without listening but hurrying all because you are not getting the point yet can cause argument. When you start saying what your child does not say, by interpreting his or her statement in another way different from what he or she said will cause argument.

Your child would want to try and explain it better to you. The issue is, if you are not ready to listen to his or her own point of view, it might results in using argument as a means of expression for better understanding.

Explain how you feel

If you know that you have already raised voices on a particular issue that is causing argument, then find the alternative method by explaining your feeling. In a calm manner, tell your child how his or her conduct has affected you.

Speak without criticism

Resist the urge to accuse and criticize. Don’t criticize your child. Doing that will make him or her lose confidence in doing something right.

Children always remember what they are criticized upon and try to avoid such again. No matter how pleasant it is for you, even though it will not bring about criticism, that fear of criticism in them will make them ignore it.

Instead of criticizing, it is better to say, “I don’t feel happy when you….” than saying, “You are always causing trouble.. .”

Control yourself first

You have to control yourself first before hastily controlling your child. Avoid what will leads to argument by controlling yourself. It is advisable to leave the matter when you are still boiling and focus on what will make you happy in order to cool your temper. “The beginning of strife is like releasing water; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.” (Proverbs 17:14)

When you act the way you are angry without self control, you might utter words that are not fit for hearing. Words are powerful beyond what you think.

Children don’t forget every word uttered against them. Later in the future, they can use it against you if you are not forgiven.

Apologize to each other

If appropriate, try to apologize your children. Don’t think you cannot be so low to apologize to your child whom you offend. Though he or she has to apologize, but you also have to, in order to make peace.

One of the most valuable lessons you can teach your children is how to humbly say, “I am sorry.” That simple words go farther than you think. It teaches your child humility.

Don’t feel too proud to apologize. Showing humility will bring you honour. This will also help your child in marriage later in the future, even among other people. Your child will know how to apologize.

Avoid sweeping assertions

Avoid statements such as “You always….” or “You never….”

Such statements only invite a defensive response. After all, they are likely to be exaggerations, and your child knows it. Your child may also know that sweeping assertions are really more about your anger than his or her responsibility.

Rather than using blunt statements that begin with the word “you,” try expressing how your child’s behaviour affects you. For example, “I feel…when you….”

Deep down, your feelings are important to your child. By letting your child know how you are affected, you are more likely to elicit his or her cooperation. Do not use guilt to motivate your child.

If the issue that is causing the argument involves chores, discuss it with your child.

Write down specifically what is required of him or her, and if necessary, make clear what the consequences will be if your expectations are not met.

Patiently listen to your child’s point of view

Even if you feel that your child’s point of view is incorrect, listen patiently.

Most young people respond better to a listening ear than to a lecture having no regards for them.

Before hastily concluding that a spirit of rebellion has taken control of your child, realize that much of what you observe is part of your child’s natural development.

Your child may argue a point just to prove that he is growing up. Resist the urge to get involved in disputes.

Remember, the way you respond to provocation teaches a lesson to your child. Set an example in patience and long-suffering, and your son or daughter will likely imitate you. (Galatians 5:22-23).


About Olabode Adediya

Olabode Adediya (Bodjetstar) is the founder of Channel of Virtue. He is an advocates for positive parenting and healthy family lifestyle. He also believes in personal development by hosting "The Great Value Show". He is an Author, Writer, Motivational Speaker and Content Creator. Connect with him on social media @Bodjetstar.


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